IT'S HHHHHEEEEERRRRRRRRRRREEEEEEEE!!!!!

Don’t ask me how, but our TA (travel approval) actually arrived TODAY! 106 days after my dossier was logged into the CCAA, they have finally invited me to come get Qiu Ying! My agency can now ask for a consulate appointment, and in a few days I should know when I’ll be going to China (right now it looks like about a month from now).

The TA is in the Mail

Or so they say. Someone from the agency spoke to someone at the CCAA who says that our TA was mailed from China today (like sometime in the past 12 hours). So, if this is true, we should actually have travel approval by the end of this week. Once we have travel approval, then we wait again – this time for a consulate appointment. You can’t schedule a consulate appointment without a TA, and you can’t go get your child without a consulate appointment. Of course, the consulate in also in China, which means that if we get our TA on Friday, it will already be the weekend there, so we’ll have to wait until Monday for them to even get our request. Once we have a consulate appointment, then we can actually start planning our trip (you know, like buying airline tickets). Ack! China adoption is so not for the faint of heart!

I Used to Love Roller Coasters

Once, Bill and I went to Busch Gardens Williamsburg on a weekday while kids were still in school. The park was pretty empty, so most of the rides had no lines. When we rode our favorite roller coaster, the Lock Ness Monster, the kid running it said that as long as no one was waiting in line, we could keep riding as long as we wanted. After about the 5th trip, I finally had to say “uncle” and climb off the ride. (Bill made it through two more times.) When I got off, my stomach was churning and my head felt like I’d been hit with a hammer. The ride I loved so much, taken in large doses, was more than I could handle.

My life right now is starting to feel a lot like that roller coaster ride. Each morning I wake up with hope in my heart that this could be the day,

CLACK, CLACK, CLACK, CLACK, CLACK, keep your hands and feet inside the car folks, here we go. UP! UP! UP!

This could be the day.
This could be the day.
This could be the day.

All day long, I walk around with the tension/excitement/stress building.

All evening, I wait for the phone to ring. Woe unto the poor soul who dares to call me while I’m waiting for “the call”. I told some poor girl soliciting for my alma mater to please leave me alone, “I’m waiting for a very important call, and you’re tying up my line.” Yes, I do have call waiting, thank you very much, but I don’t want to take ANY chances on missing the call!

Then finally, about 9 pm, I check my email to see if I’ve received the “sorry, no mail today” message from Stefani. SSSWWWOOOOOOSSSHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. There we go, down to the very bottom again.

No TA today.
No TA today.
No TA today.

The emotional roller coaster of waiting and hoping and praying for word that I can bring my daughter home has the same physical effects as the Lock Nest Monster – my stomach keeps churning like a cement mixer, and I feel like someone’s been using my head for batting practice.

But you know what, this time, I can’t get off the ride. Not until I hear those magic words – you’ve got TA!

Soon? Please?

Daughter Near/Daughter Far

This morning Olivia and I were snuggling and talking (her very effective way of trying to delay having to actually get out of bed). She told me, “I love having a mommy.” It made me cry. It made me cry because I know that Shi Qiu Ying is going to love having a mommy, too – and a big sister. She is going to love being safe, and warm, and fed, and adored. She is going to love being part of a family. And her family is going to love her, too. Well, we already do – we love that sweet cheeked little baby whose picture we look at every day. We love the idea of her. Man, are we ready to love the reality.

What I Know About Elizabeth

Shi Cheng SWI

Not a lot, actually. I know she is living in a social welfare institute in Shi Cheng. County Shi Cheng County is a rural, mountainous region in the south eastern part of Jiangxi province. Most of the families in the area are farmers.

And, I know what the person who wrote her growth report had to say about her:


When she was 3 month old, her legs were quite strong and she could hold her little head smiled sweetly. When she was hungry or sleepy she could ask for care giver to hold her. When she was 4 month old, she could turn her head to find the root of sound if some one called her name and made sound which seemed that she talked to herself. When she was 5 months old, QiuYing could roll over freely and raise her head. When she was happy, she would play with her little hands and she could catch toys. When she was 6 months old, she could sit alone for a while. When other children played she would react excited and wanted to join in. Now she is 7 months old. Though she is not fat or fair, she looks bouncy. Her hair is bushy. She has long eyelashes and beautiful eyes. Her eyes are small, so when she smiles the eyes would turn into a line. People give her nick name “little eyes”, and when she hears the name, she smiles more happily.
QiuYing is an active girl and likes playing with other children, listening to music, noisy place to play, being touch on her face, being called “little eyes”.


You may have notice the part about “now she is 7 months old”. Yeah, well, now she is 17 months old, and I haven’t heard anything new about her since this report was written. Because of the remote location, no one ever visits Shi Cheng. I haven’t been able to receive any updated photos or reports. I just keeping hoping that she is doing ok and developing normally. Most of all, I hope she will be in my arms soon.

The Analytical Skills of an Almost 4 Year Old

She’s a genius, I’m telling ya. The girl is just always thinking. Olivia was watching her new favorite movie. Two groups of rival girls are talking before a competition, and one snooty girl says to the nice girls, “Don’t worry. I’ll let you all take a picture with our trophy.”

O’s response – “A trophy is not a camera.”

I see law school in our future.

Attitude of Entitlement

Lately, I been kind of annoyed with this attitude I’ve notice among people waiting to adopt from China. They act like they’ve ordered a baby from the baby store, and they are irritated that the item isn’t ready to be shipped yet. It results in a lot of bad-mouthing of the Chinese government and how they run their adoption process. Yeah, it was really starting to get on my nerves. Until I realized that I am actually one of “them”.

I’ve been acting pretty entitled myself here lately. I’ve been whining and complaining about the screwy process for sending out TAs. Yes, it is frustrating, and yes, I do want to bring QiuYing home as soon as possible. I tell myself that I’m just worried about MY daughter. But, see, the thing is, technically, she isn’t my daughter – yet. Right now, she is still Shi QiuYing, ward of the ShiCheng County Social Welfare Institute. She is their child, not mine. As much as I may love her, she won’t really be MY daughter until I sit in that office at the civil affairs office and promise to never abandon or abuse her. She is a daughter of China, and they don’t have to let me adopt her. If they do, it will be a privilege – not a right I earned by paying the fees and waiting my turn.

See, China owes me nothing. In fact, I owe them. After all, they let me leave the county once already with one of their greatest national treasures.

Not That It Means Anything, but . . .

Someone whose SC form was Fed Exed back to the CCAA on Friday got her TA today. Yes, today. Now, it could be a fluke. It could be, well I don’t know what it could be. I’m trying not to get too excited, but maybe, just maybe Elizabeth will be coming home soon! Can I getta “AMEN!”?

Ball's Back in Their Court

Well, our new form arrived at the CCAA at 10:03 this morning. All they have to do now is sign my TA and stick it in the mail. Really, that's it. Sign it, mail it. DO IT! NOW!!!! Send my baby home, please. Really, is it too much to ask?

How many times do I need to say I want her?

Apparently, the magic number is 4. That’s how many times the CCAA wants me to tell them that I want to adopt QiuYing. First, I wrote a letter of intent which outlined how I would care for her. Then, I sent a letter with my dossier asking specifically to adopt QiuYing. Then, in the home study, there was a whole section about how I want to adopt QiuYing. So, that’s 3 times that I specially asked the CCAA if I could please adopt QiuYing. Now, they’ve decided that I need to sign a form that says yes, I still want to adopt Qiu Ying – for the forth time. My agency received the form last week. It’s so annoying, because what they should have received was my travel approval so that I could leave in the next couple of weeks. Instead, I get this new form that is going to further delay my travel approval, and because the Chinese New Year falls on February 18th this year, I probably won’t travel before March. Yeah, I’m frustrated. I hate the fact that my daughter is living in an orphanage instead of her own home. I hate the fact that she is learning to walk and talk without me there to see it. Most of all I hate knowing that she is stuck in a place where, because the orphanage is very poor, she isn’t getting proper care or nutrition. You try going to sleep every night knowing that your baby is cold and hungry. It sucks. And all I can do is sign the stinkin’ form, and wait. And wait. And wait. 189 days now since my agency first said I could adopt QiuYing. And still we wait.

Why Mommies Love Christmas

Merry Christmas, Baby Girl

We've been thinking of you all day. Big sister and I have talked about which toys you will like to play with. She has chosen which Thomas book is to be yours, even though Santa brought them both to her. We love you, and we just want you home with us. Sigh. It's too hard to think about how you've spent this day. I hope you were warm, and safe, and not hungry. Oh, my baby. I promise this is the last Christmas you will ever spend in an orphanage. I'll be there soon.

Mama

I Could Use a Little Levity

No More Single-Parent Adoptions

Well, I guess my family can stop worrying about me becoming the “Crazy Chinese Kids Lady” – you know, like the Crazy Cat Lady, except the “Crazy Chinese Kids Lady” collects Chinese kids instead of cats. That won’t be me. My little family will be officially finished when Elizabeth comes home. The folks at the China Center of Adoption Affairs (CCAA) have decided that as of May 1, 2007 no more single parents will be allowed to adopt children from China. What a sad, sad decision this is for thousands of families – and even sadder for the children who will never be adopted. They (the CCAA) say they have twice as many families waiting to adopt as they do children available for adoption. So, I guess they figure they can be a little more choosy about who they allow to adopt. And everyone know a two-parent family is always better than a single-parent family (cough, cough, choke, choke – gag). At any rate, I am just thankful that I am already logged in and waiting for mei-mei. I can’t even imagine how heart-broken I would be if I were one of the many single women who will now have to give up on their dream of a beautiful Chinese daughter. It makes me weepy to even think about it.

Santa's Little Helper

After 2 years of refusing to go any where near the fat guy in the red suit, I finally got a picture of Olivia on Santa’s lap. Not only did she hop right up on the old guy’s lap and tell him what she wants for Christmas (a baby doll and a princess nightgown), but she even introduced her reluctant little friends to her old pal Santa. She’s growing up so fast!

She's 16 months old today

My baby girl is 16 months old today. Sigh. When I first saw her face, she was 11 months old. Five more months of her life passed without a family. Damn. Today is officially day 47 of the TA wait. At the rate things are going, we aren’t even half way there yet. I want my baby home.

Where in the World is E-Baby?

Yeah, that face about sums up our vacation!

Tinkerbelle Lives!

And she spent the night at my house Tuesday night. Olivia had so much fun running around the neighborhood in her Tink costume that she slept in it. I drew the line at wearing it to Julie's the next day. Hey, a mom's gotta draw the line somewhere, right? Who am I kidding? Hell, if she'd have pushed it, she'd probably still be in costume today (although I would have insisted on clean panties, since we all know how hard it is to be pretty when you're wearing dirty panties).

We Have a LID! 10/18/06

Now if you don’t follow Chinese adoptions, that sentence just isn’t going to make sense to you. No, I haven’t been out shopping for new cookware, and I didn’t buy a new hat. What we have is a Log In Date (LID) – a date when the CCAA actually logged in our paperwork to adopt Elizabeth. That magic date is October 18th. Yes, they already said we could adopt her, but we still have to go through another process before they will issue a travel approval (known as a TA). Currently, it is taking about 90 days to get travel approval after you are logged in. Hopefully that means I’ll hear something about the middle of January. Yippee! Elizabeth is coming home. Not soon enough, but she is coming home!

Letter to the Director of Elizabeth's SWI

亲爱的送养人姜有泉，
我叫当劳(名)汤蒙森(姓)。我获准领养您院的石秋英。希望大约过三个月，我就可以去中国和她相聚。

随信寄来的包裹，里面一些东西给秋英，一些给您和您的职工。包裹里还有一个相机。我请您用它给秋英照像。 请您多照一些秋英和她的小朋友合影；照秋英和保育员的合影；照秋英和您的合影。将来秋英长大了，这些照片会让她记住您们。包裹里还有我提的一些关于秋英的问题，请您帮忙找到答案。等我去中国和您见面时，请您把相机和问题的答案一起交给我。拜托您了。

我非常感谢您和保育员对秋英的精心照顾。盼望早日与您们相见。

致礼！

当劳 汤蒙森

2006年10月24日


Thanks, Joan. It certainly looks great!

Some Days are Harder Than Others

William Thomas Carr

10/23/1971 – 09/10/1998


I will see you in the light of a thousand suns
I will hear you in the sound of the waves
I will know you when I come, as we all will come
Through the doors beyond the grave


True love never dies.

Mommy Goes to School

Olivia is going to preschool at the university 2 days a week. Since this week is fall break, all of the student helpers are gone. The school asked all the parents to volunteer for a couple of hours this week to keep the student/adult ratio legal. So, this morning, Mommy went to school with Olivia. She was so excited. We read books, played with puzzles, and hung up a whole bunch of art work. Olivia thought is was great having Mommy at school, but she wasn’t too crazy about the part where I actually had to interact with the other kids. I liked the way she would subtlety move between me and any other kid who got too close. My dog does the same thing. I kept waiting for her to pee on my leg. :)

So, all was well and good until it was time for Mommy to leave for work. Olivia had a major meltdown. She cried – real tears and heart-wrenching sobs. It was enough to make a grown Mama cry. She finally pulled it together (ok, after I promised she could ride her bike in the basement tonight) enough for me to leave.

As I was leaving, I couldn’t help but think, “And this is the child who thinks she WANTS to share Mommy with Baby Sister?”

Sigh.

It's a Girl!

Name: Shi Qiu Ying (means Stone, Autumn Flower)
Date of birth: August 4, 2005
Place of birth: Shi Cheng County, Jiangxi, PRC

Soon to be our Elizabeth Grace Ying - My daughter and Olivia's mei-mei (little sister). We couldn't be more excited! I first saw Elizabeth's face in July, and I knew she was the one we'd been looking for. All the paperwork has been completed so now we wait (and wait, and wait) for China to send us our travel approval so that I can go bring Elizabeth home. So, come on in, pull up a chair and wait with us. I'll try to keep you entertained (operative word there - "try").